Defining “adulthood” through qualitative interviews

If you had to think about it, really reach into your brain and pull out a silver memory strand (Harry Potter on the brain here, sorry!) and define the moments that made you really feel like an adult – what would you say?

About a year ago, I was in my boyfriend’s apartment trying to find a job, watching Cats 101 and eating egg whites and tortillas every day. We didn’t have any money, and our entertainment consisted of walking up the street to the flower garden and trying not to get stung by bees. I had no health insurance, but I had a Master’s degree. Yes!

The New York Times was telling me that, as a 20-something, I was avoiding adulthood. And I wanted to disagree – I was paying bills, I’d moved across an ocean and across the country in the last few years, I’d filled out forms and leases and legal contracts on my own. But why wasn’t that convincing enough? Why didn’t I have a headboard? Why didn’t I even own a bed?

Even with a job and a retirement plan and health insurance, I still wonder at my adulthood. My family came to visit us, for instance, and while I cooked my own homemade sauce and macaroni, all I could offer them for refreshments after dinner were Tecate, water, and pickle juice. Why didn’t we have milk? Everyone has milk. How had we forgotten to pick up something like juice? Do adults drink juice? Why don’t we keep juice in the house?

Adulthood is an evolving term – something we’re told to strive for but then never given an instruction manual to achieve. I wanted things like financial security and a job. I wanted health insurance and a salary. But none of that was guaranteed just because I had a degree, for instance. None of it is guaranteed if you’re smart or motivated, either. There’s something enigmatic about it, and it seems like you only know adulthood once you’re there, staring at it, saying “now I want to go back.”

To me, adulthood is a compendium of many things – when I got my passport, when I first read a map, when I gave a friend’s cat insulin shots, when I started wearing a watch. So I decided to ask people – at what moment did you feel like an adult? What events signify adulthood to you?

Offline, my colleagues and friends mentioned having children, coming up with an investment plan and paying for draining bills. Also buying a washer and dryer, adopting pets, and joining a gym. Others mentioned “dictating grounds for engagement with my parents” or the moment when they realized that their parents weren’t mythical creatures – they were humans who made mistakes and even needed advice.

On the GutCheck platform, of the 8 people I interviewed the most common response was marriage, childbirth, and graduating from college/ maintaining a fulltime job.

A couple of respondents gave touching and poignant answers about when they first became adults, with a 27 year old male relaying how at age 15 his father left his family, leaving him to take responsibility for his sisters.
“Many people will become adults because of work and responsibilities that comes with it or starting family of their own,” he wrote. “Sometimes like in my experience life events will make you mature very fast.”

Another respondent, a 36 year old female, recounted a similar early adulthood when she had her first child. She wrote, “For me it was very different. I had my first child very young so I was on my own by the age of 18. For my children I hope that they will take advantage of the support offered to them and make the most of their adolescence.”

On the materialistic side, people equated things like buying a home, a car, and responsibly maintaining credit cards as signs of adulthood. My 21 year old male respondent wrote, that “cars, expensive watches, and jewelry” signified adulthood. When asked why? He responded, “One generally needs to be an adult with gainful employment to buy those things.”

Interestingly, when asked what advice about adulthood they would give to a person younger than them, both my 26 year old female respondent and my 58 year old male respondent said to “budget” and “live within their means”. The 58 year old added, “do not eat out everyday.”

Equating adulthood with marriage, owning a car or home, or graduating from college can be a dangerous assumption – not everyone has access to these materialistic or legal milestones. So what does adulthood mean to you, and how did you know when it happened?